


being alone isn't what it's cut out to be

by Melissy123



Category: GOT7
Genre: Although it takes some convincing, Jaebeom is secretly glad, Jinyoung ain't gonna leave his man to mope about by himself, M/M, Post-Idol Room, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25400350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melissy123/pseuds/Melissy123
Summary: Jaebeom understood the teasing, went along with it, but sometimes it gets to be a little too much. It wasn't their fault, the members never meant it but it was easy to get carried away in variety. Jaebeom can usually let it go, even laugh along with it, not this time though. It was a good thing then that Jinyoung can read him like a book and is too stubborn to let him be alone with his thoughts.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 92





	being alone isn't what it's cut out to be

**Author's Note:**

> Another day, another fic inspired by GOT7's antics on Idol Room! I can't remember what episode it was now, but the one where they keep teasing JB for making mistakes or killing his image. It triggered my angsty fanfic writing brain and here we are. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thanks for reading! Xx

Jaebeom sighed, deeply. He should have been doing something, looking over their schedule, confirming what the members planned to do during hiatus, there was music to write, to edit, he always liked to check what their fans were saying about their latest comeback, their latest appearance on a variety show- there were things to do, but he couldn't bring himself to do them. 

He knew that wasn't a good thing. 

He overworked himself sometimes and that was unhealthy enough, but when he couldn't even find the energy to distract himself, to throw himself into his work, that was when something was really wrong. Jaebeom hadn't eaten all day, he had seen the looks the members had given him as he had quietly got out of the van at his apartment. Jinyoung had said something, but he couldn't remember what it was. He had waved them all away, retreating into his home and collapsing on the bed. He felt tired, heavy, as if his mattress could swallow him up whole. 

The headache didn't help, either. 

It wasn't as if the promotion period was any worse then usual, but the exhaustion had hit him hard this time around. It probably wasn't a coincedence that it had happened after Idol Room either. His unaffected smile disappearing the moment they stepped into their van, the atmosphere around them growing awkward when Jaebeom claimed the front seat rather then sitting in the back with the rest of them. They always knew there was something wrong then, he knew that, but he didn't have to hide when he sat in front. He didn't have to pretend he was okay when he wasn't. He had done that through the whole filming, he didn't want to do it anymore. 

Jaebeom knew his members meant well, he knew their retorts were never meant with serious intent. He knew they respected him as a leader, appreciated everything he did. But their teasing, the teasing from the hosts, had hurt this time. He didn't know why, it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before but maybe this time he wasn't in the right state of mind to hear it. Maybe the promotion period had taken a bigger toll on him then he thought. Should he have rested more before their comeback? Should they have done less variety this time around? There had been more then ever during this period. Or maybe he was just too hard on himself this time, every little mistake weighing heavily on his mind _because he was the leader, he was meant to set the example, not be a joke._

He groaned, his head pounding. 

He couldn't stop thinking about the mistakes, about the awkward pauses, the sly comments. Jaebeom hadn't been in a place like this in years, the only difference was that now he lived alone, now there wasn't someone eyeing his every move, practically forcing him to eat and look after himself. His phone pinged next to him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at it. It was probably the members and he didn't want to deal with them right now. He had felt Jinyoung's piercing gaze on him the whole ride home, he had caught Mark's concerned look as he grabbed his bag, the unusual quiet that had fallen over his usually loud members. He knew they would be trying to apologise, but they had nothing to apologise for. They weren't the ones that had made the mistakes, he was-

Jaebeom heard someone unlock his door, the shuffle of feet outside. He sighed, again. There was only one person it could be and for once, Jaebeom wished he would leave him alone. He was fine, he didn't need a babysitter, he didn't need Jinyoung to sacrifice his evening just to look after him. He rolled onto his stomach, turned his head away from the doorway just as light flooded the hall and a figure peered into the room. 

"Hyung?" called Jinyoung, his voice soft. Jaebeom didn't answer, tried to even out his breathing and fool the other into thinking he was asleep. They were almost finished promoting, things were starting to wind down, tomorrow was meant to be a rest day before the final stretch of appearances they would have to make. Jinyoung should have been at home, he should have been catching up on much-needed sleep. Instead, Jaebeom had made him worry and he was stuck checking in on him. 

Yes, what a good leader he was. 

Jinyoung sighed, moving further into the room. Jaebeom felt the bed sink as the other sat on the edge, he felt the hand on his lower back. "I know you're not asleep, Jaebeommie." 

Unfortunately, the younger knew him far too well. He wasn't surprised, it was naive of him to think he could ever fool Jinyoung but that didn't mean he couldn't try. Maybe, just maybe, if he tried hard enough, the other would get the message and leave him to wallow alone. He just wanted to be alone, he didn't want to face anyone, let alone the all too knowing gaze of Park Jinyoung. 

"You should go home, Jinyoung-ah," said Jaebeom, his face still turned away from him. "I'll pay for the taxi, just go home, okay? You don't need to be here." 

Jinyoung scoffed, "I don't need to be here? Really?" His voice was incredulous. "Don't pretend you're fine and don't try and push me away, Jaebeom."

"I'm not trying-" Jaebeom let out a loud sigh, "I'm tired, Jinyoung, I don't want to do this now." 

"And don't try and guilt me into leaving either, I'm not leaving, not when you're like this." There was movement, and the bed dipped even further as Jinyoung settled down next to him, an arm over his back, his legs tangling with his. Jaebeom could feel his warmth and tried desperately not to sink into it, not to melt into his touch. A kiss was pressed to his shoulder, and then his neck, soft and lingering. "You didn't think we would actually let you leave without a word, did you?" Jinyoung whispered, against him. The hold he had on him tightened. "I sent the others home, but they wanted to come and stay too. We never left after you did, hyung, I was just trying to convince the kids to go home and rest."

"You should be resting too," Jaebeom murmured. 

"And you think I'm not perfectly comfortable right where I am now? It's much warmer with you then it would be in my cold, quiet apartment." There was a pause, a hint of hesitation. "You should invite me over more often, hyung. I miss us living together, I miss seeing you when I get home." 

"Jinyoung..." 

"You don't have to talk if you don't want too, but I'm not leaving." 

Another sigh.

Jaebeom could have argued, could have made him leave but Jinyoung was too stubborn, he knew there was no point. Besides, he would have been lying if he said he wasn't comfortable, if he said that Jinyoung being there wasn't helping. It was, of course it was, that was why he had come in the first place. When Jaebeom wanted to be in the dark, wanted to let it swallow him up, Jinyoung was there to lighten the way out whether he wanted it or not. 

Jinyoung's breath was warm against his neck as they fell into silence, the only sounds coming from the city outside. It was comfortable, but it always was with Jinyoung. Maybe Jaebeom had missed him too, had missed them living together, the comfort of knowing he wasn't too far away. They never got to be this close anymore, Jinyoung didn't sneak into his bed in the middle of the night, he didn't come in and scold him for staying up too late, he didn't stay up waiting for him to get home. Things were different now, they were growing up, all of them. There was no room for this anymore, no excuse now that they didn't live under one roof. 

They were labelled as soulmates and maybe they were, but Jaebeom knew there was no room for such things in their business. There was a reason why they had never talked about what they had, simply let it be whatever it wanted to be. It was too complicated, too risky, too messy. Jaebeom knew all of this, but when Jinyoung came to him, it was hard to refuse him, it was hard to put those barriers between them. He relished in the warmth, he loved hearing his steady breaths, feeling his arms around him. Jaebeom was too tired to fight it, he didn't want to fight it. 

"You know how much we love you, right?" said Jinyoung, quietly. Jaebeom tensed again, but he didn't try and pull away. Jinyoung let out a breath air that tickled the hair at his neck. "You know no one meant what they said about you being leader, right?" 

"I said-"

"I know, you're tired. I'm tired too, hyung, but I can't sleep if you're upset." 

Jaebeom sighed. It seemed like that was all he was doing at the moment, but there was no escaping it he supposed. He shifted, and Jinyoung loosened his hold enough for Jaebeom to turn onto his back. The younger didn't try and give him space, only wrapped himself around him again, his entire body draped over Jaebeom as he rested his head in the crook of his neck. Despite himself, Jaebeom felt the tension bleeding out of him again. 

He really had missed this. 

It was easy to overthink when they were apart, to worry about the consequences, to worry about everything, but none of that mattered when Jinyoung was there with him. Jaebeom held the younger gently, his eyes fixed on the ceiling above. Their feelings for each other, their unsaid relationship was something to be dealt with another day. Jaebeom wasn't in the right frame of mind to be dealing with that now, not even close. 

"We teased you too much today," said Jinyoung, softly. "I'm sorry-"

Jaebeom shook his head, "Don't-"

"It was hard enough on you with the hosts, we didn't make it any easier on you. We should have known better, this isn't the first time, after all." Guilt and self-loathing filled his heart. Jinyoung let out a scolding noise, maybe it had shown on his face how he felt. "Don't do that, you need to be looked after too." He stretched up, lips pressing softly against his. Jaebeom still kept his eyes on the ceiling above, but Jinyoung didn't seem to mind. "You don't need to be down on yourself, Beom-ah, you do so much for us." Another kiss. "We would be lost without you, and maybe the kids play with you a little too much but that's only because they love you, you know that. We love you so much." Another kiss, and Jaebeom glanced down, his eyes meeting Jinyoung's. There was something else swirling in those eyes of his, but he didn't voice it. He knew it wasn't the right time, even if Jaebeom knew exactly what it was he was thinking. 

_'I love you so much.'_

"I know," said Jaebeom. 

"Don't keep things to yourself, hyung," whispered Jinyoung, "It does you no good. Don't pull away, don't try and deal with it on your own and never forget how much you do for us. We wouldn't be where we are now without you, okay?" 

Jaebeom had no choice to believe him, to trust in every word he said. There was no way it couldn't be true, not when he was this serious about it. 

Jaebeom nodded, "Okay." 

Jinyoung let out a breath, going boneless against him. "Good, and don't you forget it either." He turned his head, pressing his lips to his jaw. "But if you do, I'll tell you again. Again and again until it finally sinks into that thick head of yours." 

"Okay, Jinyoungie." 

It didn't feel so dark now, so suffocating. Jaebeom was warm and comfortable, his muscles tired but relaxed. His eyes closed, unable to hold them open for any longer. Maybe he would actually get a good night's sleep for once, maybe even a sleep in. Jinyoung's phone beeped loudly and the younger let out an annoyed grunt. "Leave me alone," he mumbled. 

Jaebeom shifted, moving them both to sit up despite the noise of protest Jinyoung let out. "I'm just getting under the covers unless you want to sleep without all night." This time both of their phones beeped, and he chuckled. With a great deal of effort considering that Jinyoung was no help, Jaebeom managed to manouver the pair of them under the blankets. Jinyoung had retrieved his phone from the bedside table, typing away quickly even as he snuggled into Jaebeom's chest once more. "Have you reassured them?" Jaebeom asked, knowingly. 

Jinyoung turned his phone off, reaching over to place it back on the table. "I have, now they're just teasing us again." 

"Of course they are," said Jaebeom, fondly. 

"I told them to come over for breakfast tomorrow." 

Jaebeom sighed, "Jinyoung..."

"It's not work, we're all still getting our rest, stop fussing," said Jinyoung, firmly. He propped his head up to stare at Jaebeom, his gaze soft and comforting. "It'll be like the old days, when we still had the dorm. Let the kids come and make sure you're okay with their own eyes, they won't be able to relax until they do." He didn't say anything, the guilt in his heart still there. Jinyoung didn't question it, just leaned in to press their mouths together once more. Jaebeom let out a small sigh, allowing himself to relax, to melt into the other. "Don't worry, hyung, you can make up for it by paying for all the food they're going to order," he murmured. 

Jaebeom's lips twitched up and Jinyoung pulled back enough to smile at him, his eyes filled with so much love that Jaebeom couldn't possibly wallow in misery. This time, he was the one to lean in, his lips brushing against Jinyoung's lightly, _gratefully_. He didn't need words to express what he was feeling, the younger knew. He always knew what Jaebeom was thinking without him having to say it. 

Jinyoung gave him a final peck before settling down against his chest once more. Jaebeom pulled the covers further around them, and Jinyoung let out a hum of contentment, clinging onto Jaebeom. He was glad the younger was so stubborn, that he refused to leave his side. If Jaebeom had had the choice, he would have wanted to be alone, he would have been foolish and withdrawn, choosing to be miserable. But Jinyoung knew him too well, was too stubborn to leave him alone and Jaebeom was glad. This was better, this was so much better. 

"Sleep well, Nyoungie," Jaebeom whispered. 


End file.
